(Audio)
If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
We aren't supposed to let our relationships with our Christian brothers and sisters become compromised by unaddressed issues. As brothers and sisters we have a shared context that should make mutual understanding and reconciliation possible that the wider world does not possess. But even in these relationships we experience the temptation to avoid such problems. We don't see why it should be necessary for us to take the initiative when it was someone else who sinned against us, not we them. We don't fully appreciate the value of restored relationships, so we are willing to let anger fester overnight (see Ephesians 4:26). Or we minimize the problem, so as to avoid an uncomfortable conflict. This is one way we can go wrong when a brother sins against us, by ignoring it. The other is by doing everything except telling the brother his fault between ourselves and him alone. Instead we tell everyone, possibly everyone on the entire Internet, about his fault. But when we tell others in this way it is not because we have any hope that doing so will solve the issue. It will of course only exasperate it. More people will line up to tell us why we are right and ought not be reconciled, now or ever. We will feel increasingly vindicated in our condition as victims making honest and open communication with the brother who sinned almost impossible.
There are situations where the brother will not listen to us, and these are perhaps not uncommon. After all, he probably saw things differently and may already feel righteous, not in need of correction. In such cases we need, not the entire Internet, nor a smaller subset of a population that is only looking for the most recent rage bait, but enlightened objective third parties such as we may hope to find among our other brothers and sisters. If we can find such individuals that are not likely to default to taking our side, but can give both of us a fair hearing, this is the best scenario.
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the Church.
If he refuses to listen even to the Church,
then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
If the situation is so serious that the brother has committed to something that cannot be condoned within the life of the Church it is still best to solve it with him at the smallest scale possible. But if this is impossible it is disingenuous to let him go on pretending that everything is fine. If we can find someone who can let him know, in an official capacity, what the truth of the matter is, we ought to even go that far. We do this as a last resort, in hope that our brother will at last listen and be reconciled. This step is our full due diligence after which no more steps are necessary or indeed possible, hence we "treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector". This does not necessarily mean that we have no relationship, or that we shun such an individual. Rather it means they are seen once again as one who still needs to receive the Gospel. Jesus, after all, welcomed sinners and tax collectors, but in order that they might eventually become disciples.
Again, amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
Why is it so important to reconcile with brothers and sisters when we have something against them? Because the potential release of power when we are united in the Church is something too good to ignore. When we are united, Jesus is present, prayers are answered, and the world may know and believe in the love of the Father and the Son for humanity (see John 17:23). This is why Paul strongly encourages us "to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (see Ephesians 4:3). It is why the psalmist finds such delight in thinking of brothers dwelling in unity, comparing it to "the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard" (See Psalm 133). Probably, we don't value this unity as much as we should. So let us learn to appreciate it enough to work for it.
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
We aren't supposed to let our relationships with our Christian brothers and sisters become compromised by unaddressed issues. As brothers and sisters we have a shared context that should make mutual understanding and reconciliation possible that the wider world does not possess. But even in these relationships we experience the temptation to avoid such problems. We don't see why it should be necessary for us to take the initiative when it was someone else who sinned against us, not we them. We don't fully appreciate the value of restored relationships, so we are willing to let anger fester overnight (see Ephesians 4:26). Or we minimize the problem, so as to avoid an uncomfortable conflict. This is one way we can go wrong when a brother sins against us, by ignoring it. The other is by doing everything except telling the brother his fault between ourselves and him alone. Instead we tell everyone, possibly everyone on the entire Internet, about his fault. But when we tell others in this way it is not because we have any hope that doing so will solve the issue. It will of course only exasperate it. More people will line up to tell us why we are right and ought not be reconciled, now or ever. We will feel increasingly vindicated in our condition as victims making honest and open communication with the brother who sinned almost impossible.
There are situations where the brother will not listen to us, and these are perhaps not uncommon. After all, he probably saw things differently and may already feel righteous, not in need of correction. In such cases we need, not the entire Internet, nor a smaller subset of a population that is only looking for the most recent rage bait, but enlightened objective third parties such as we may hope to find among our other brothers and sisters. If we can find such individuals that are not likely to default to taking our side, but can give both of us a fair hearing, this is the best scenario.
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the Church.
If he refuses to listen even to the Church,
then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
If the situation is so serious that the brother has committed to something that cannot be condoned within the life of the Church it is still best to solve it with him at the smallest scale possible. But if this is impossible it is disingenuous to let him go on pretending that everything is fine. If we can find someone who can let him know, in an official capacity, what the truth of the matter is, we ought to even go that far. We do this as a last resort, in hope that our brother will at last listen and be reconciled. This step is our full due diligence after which no more steps are necessary or indeed possible, hence we "treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector". This does not necessarily mean that we have no relationship, or that we shun such an individual. Rather it means they are seen once again as one who still needs to receive the Gospel. Jesus, after all, welcomed sinners and tax collectors, but in order that they might eventually become disciples.
Again, amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
Why is it so important to reconcile with brothers and sisters when we have something against them? Because the potential release of power when we are united in the Church is something too good to ignore. When we are united, Jesus is present, prayers are answered, and the world may know and believe in the love of the Father and the Son for humanity (see John 17:23). This is why Paul strongly encourages us "to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (see Ephesians 4:3). It is why the psalmist finds such delight in thinking of brothers dwelling in unity, comparing it to "the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard" (See Psalm 133). Probably, we don't value this unity as much as we should. So let us learn to appreciate it enough to work for it.
Jars Of Clay - They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love
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