When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about him?”
Peter had just been informed that his future was going to be difficult, that he was going to be forced to go where he did not want to go, and even to die because of his love for Jesus and his sheep. Peter, still human even here, felt the need to compare himself with others, specifically with John, the beloved disciple. It was reminiscent of how, after Jesus predicted his own passion, James and John jockeyed for position in the Kingdom, asking for seats on the right and the left of the throne of Jesus. It is, unfortunately, an all too natural strategy, one which we too employ all too often. It is one, however, that never succeeds or avails for us.
Jesus said to him, "What if I want him to remain until I come?
What concern is it of yours?
You follow me."
When we encounter difficulties do we look around with jealousy at those who seem to sail through life more smoothly? Do we think, for instance, that they must be naïve and shirking of their duty in order to be as content as they seem? Or do we see others living with peace and joy and allow it to decrease our trust in God who seems to love us less by comparison? Whatever comparisons we employ, all of our imagined protests about fairness are actually pretense. The hard truth is that such protests are actually our ego trying to salvage what it can from what it sees as a bad hand it was delt. Our arguments about fairness would be more convincing if they weren't actually primarily attempts to minimize our own suffering rather than that of those around us.
You follow me.
We are called to love others, and to have concern for them. This does not mean we will necessarily understand entirely why the paths God has for different people seems so different, why the distribution of blessings seems so unequal from a human point of view. If we remain fixated here we will be upset because we have less than some, upset because we have more than others. We will never, can never, account for the workings of providence, which does indeed provide for everyone according to need, which will in the end more than balance out the sufferings endured by those who are faithful. We need to let go of this calculus, this insistence that God himself must be accountable to our limited perception of things. God wants us to believe and to know that he is good, the source of all goodness, and to let this knowledge by enough for us. When we are tempted to enter into comparison subsequent bargaining let us hear, "You follow me".
This is the reason, then, I have requested to see you
and to speak with you, for it is on account of the hope of Israel
that I wear these chains.
Paul was powerful precisely because he never saw himself as too great for the difficulties he faced along the way. God had showed him early on all that he would have to suffer for the sake of the name. Rather than comparing himself to other disciples, none of whom seemed to be working as hard, few of whom seemed to be suffering as much, he pressed forward. If he wore chains, it was not something to wonder at. The main thing for Paul was that the word of God was not and could never be chained (see Second Timothy 2:9).
He remained for two full years in his lodgings.
He received all who came to him, and with complete assurance
and without hindrance he proclaimed the Kingdom of God
and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ.
Paul was bold to proclaim Jesus. We can imagine others who would have been overwhelmed by the weight of all of the hardships, for whom self-pity could have slowed or even silenced the proclamation. But Paul was the greatest of all evangelists because he kept "the hope of Israel" as the first thing in his heart, seeking to the end "the Kingdom of God", and remaining forever centered on the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
Our temptation is like the one that faced Adam, to doubt that God has our best interests at heart, to believe that he is somehow holding out on us. Let us learn, like Paul, to never for a moment entertain these doubts, nor the comparisons with others to which they give rise. Let us learn, like Peter, to focus on following Jesus, and to seek his Kingdom first.
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