renew your wonders: 28 January 2022

With the Kingdom of God, God himself is a sower who generously and abundantly sows the seed. He is not overly precious with it, but releases it even into environments that seem less than perfect or unprepared to receive it. And for the special seed of the King this is not foolishness, for the seed can thrive even and especially in adversity.

This is how it is with the Kingdom of God;

it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land

We are called to imitate the King and sow seeds of the Kingdom, whether that means inviting, teaching, healing, giving alms, or the other corporeal and spiritual works of mercy by which seeds are planted. But we are advised that once the seeds are planted we won't be able to closely track or monitor the growth. It may feel for a time as though nothing is happening, as though our efforts have been wasted. We must cede control, but should not for that reason give up on the seeds. Our desire to have too much control can become problematic and actually interfere with the growth and the operation of grace. When we insist on making hidden things our business we tend to disturb them rather than adding anything helpful to process.

and would sleep and rise night and day

and the seed would sprout and grow,

he knows not how.

Of its own accord the land yields fruit

The hiddenness of growth is true in others. But it is probably even more true for individuals trying to assess themselves. When we try to measure our growth we often find ourselves unable to recognize much or any progress. We can see all too well the things we tried apart from grace and the adverse effects they had. We can see times when we neglected water or fertilizer and our growth seems to have become stunted or stagnated, or because of which we even began to whither. But this is not to say that there was not much growth, perhaps enough even to outweigh any mistakes or setbacks. It is only that the grace that makes us grow is not directly in our control, but is nevertheless internal to us, operating in the very center of our being. The grace hidden within us conspires with grace around us to make even circumstances which to us seem adverse work together for our good. But it not typical that we are aware of this at the time, and even afterward we are often more aware of our current need for growth than any past progress. This is actually a good sign, a sign that we have not become overly content, which might be the beginning of neglect and indifference.

At the turn of the year, when kings go out on campaign,

David sent out Joab along with his officers

and the army of Israel,

and they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah.

David, however, remained in Jerusalem.

We see in this morning's first reading that David he had become complacent. It was the time for kings to go out on campaign but David chose instead to remain and indulge himself in Jerusalem. He had justified this to himself no doubt by remembering all of his past victories. Were not these enough? Was David not a plant already full grown and that no longer needed to strain toward the light? Having this false sense of completion exposed David to temptations he otherwise would not have faced. Had he realized his continued need for growth the whole incident with Bathsheba might have been avoided.

Then David sent messengers and took her.

When she came to him, he had relations with her.

She then returned to her house.

Fortunately this was not the end of David's story. Although he first tried to hide from the consequences of his actions he did eventually come to a deep and profound repentance. He sinned greatly, but his contrition was greater still. And it was here, hidden even from David himself, that he had more growth than during any of his military conquests. He learned to turn to God for mercy in the greatest of his failures. He learned that it was necessary to depend on God, not himself, and to cling to that dependence even when he himself failed and was found wanting. In learning to depend on mercy David grew in ways which may have likely remained obscure to him, but which helped to convert his own heart to be more like the merciful heart of God.

The ways that we grow are often obscure to us and the things that cause us to grow may seem to small or insignificant to do much good. But we are called by these very facts to learn to trust the sower, the seed, and the land that yields fruit of its own accord. They are all a call to rely on the grace of God rather than ourselves, lest we find ourselves neglecting our duty when it times for us, kings and queens by virtue of our baptism, to wage war against the powers of darkness. Yet even when we fail we can take heart. Even the times that seem to have been the worst for us, where we sinned the most grievously, can, in God's providence, become the occasions for our greatest growth.

Let me hear the sounds of joy and gladness;

the bones you have crushed shall rejoice.

Turn away your face from my sins,

and blot out all my guilt.