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The conversion of Saint Paul might seem to us to be so dramatic as to bear no relationship to our own lives. Even those of us whose conversion stories involve the improbably and the miraculous would hardly put them alongside that of Paul. There aren't many episode of the Journey Home that can compete. But we aren't meant to see Paul's conversion as something so unique as to have nothing to say to us.
Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life (see First Timothy 1:15-16)
Paul himself did not see his conversion as something about which he himself could boast.
Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me. For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God (see First Corinthians 15:8-9).
Paul saw his conversion as a profound mercy of God, meant to demonstrate that there were no lengths to which God would not go in his search for lost sheep. He wanted to demonstrate that there was nothing about him that merited the call he was given. It wasn't because he studied at the feet of Gamaliel or because he was zealous for God according to the ancestral law. He would probably see these as strikes against his own deserving, because they didn't prevent him from being the most prominent and egregious opponent of God's will prior to his experience on the road to Damascus. It was precisely as a sinner that he was offered mercy.
“And fear nothing, dear soul, whoever you are; the greater the sinner, the greater his right to Your mercy, O Lord.”- Saint Faustina
We are not meant to be discouraged that we ourselves have (probably) not heard the voice of God speaking to us. If we did not experience prophecy and healing as part of our conversion, we need not feel that we missed out. We can be sure, looking at the life of Paul, that God did everything that was necessary to open the eyes of our own hearts, to make us chosen instruments of his. And yet, part of the point of this conversion is that we should not rule any of those things out, in ourselves, and in God's action in the lives of those we know. If he was willing to go that far for Paul he is willing to do so for anyone in need of his mercy. And we are all in need of that mercy every moment of every day.
How happy I am to see myself as imperfect and to be in need of God's mercy.- Saint Therese of Lisieux
Now that God does have a hold of us we should be willing to be led, just as was Ananias. We are meant to be docile enough to God that he can lead us to speak to even the most unlikely people, sinners whom we have a hard time imagining ever changing. Docility can make us courageous. It can empower us to act even when we are naturally afraid. It is through docile hearts that the Lord continues to work miracles.
“Saul, my brother, the Lord has sent me,
Jesus who appeared to you on the way by which you came,
that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”
Immediately things like scales fell from his eyes
We read in the gospel today about the signs that will accompany those who believe. Those signs, power over demons, tongues, divine protection, and healing, are not given to the deserving, but precisely to those who, though not deserving, open themselves to mercy. This is the Good News of baptism. It is to "[w]hoever" and not to a select few. Let us not rule out anything that God might do, based on our track record with him, or on our sense of deserving. He may yet need to blind us to what we think we know, to speak new words of mission over our lives, and establish us once more as chosen instruments. Paul wants us to understand that if it happened to him it can happen to anyone.
Go out to all the world, and tell the Good News.
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