If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
Jesus tells us that we should not ignore if our brother sins against us. Further, if we ourselves are the one who has sinned, or even if that is just the perception that our brother has, we are in all cases the one called to proactively attempt to rebuild the relationship. We must be ready to take the first step.
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift (see Matthew 5:23-24).
It is often the case that we need help to achieve this reconciliation. With just us and our brother alone we may not be able to bridge the gap in our different perceptions of what occurred. We must be sufficiently committed to these relationships as to be willing to bring others to help. This isn't really as easy as it sounds. It isn't just a matter of getting a gang to team up against the other person. These are not so much are friends who agree with us a priori as witnesses who know what really happened. When they can be truly neutral and objective they will be persuasive to the brother whom we are trying to win over.
If he does not listen,
take one or two others along with you,
so that ‘every fact may be established
on the testimony of two or three witnesses.
Even if we are the one who was at fault we may still need to enlist the help of others or even of the Church to bridge the gap. The direct route, though we should try it first, may be too fresh, too wounded, or to heated to be a possible channel. But in circumstances like this the objective third parties can help to talk down the one we've wounded. The Church can remind him of the need to be reconciled and to forgive.
The Church provides the ultimate norms on which reconciliation can be based. When there is some debate as to whether a sin was committed or to what extent, she has the authoritative answers. But more than this, she desires the unity of her children. She speaks the words of the Psalmist:
Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity! (see Psalm 133:1).
The Church does indeed teach the moral norms on which reconciliation must turn. We are not called to simply ignore wrongs or to pretend as if they didn't happen. This wouldn't allow for brothers to dwell in unity. We would just resume hurting one another until we ultimately grew too frustrated to keep pretending. Therefore the Church calls us to walk in the peace that only comes from living in the truth. In so doing the Church is protecting an immense good. When she insists on true reconciliation and forgiveness that is grounded in deeper conversion of all involved she protects the conditions to allow Jesus to move powerfully in her midst.
Again, amen, I say to you,
if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.
When we love one another we fulfill the law and unleash the immense power of Christ. No wonder, then, that Ezekiel's charge to be a watchman for the house of Israel was so grave.
If I tell the wicked, “O wicked one, you shall surely die, ”
and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way,
the wicked shall die for his guilt,
but I will hold you responsible for his death.
If we are content to let relationships atrophy due to sin and misunderstanding death is the eventual result. We can't be content to see this path of destruction unfolding and ignore it. There is too much at stake.
If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
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