8 March 2014 - sick of myself

8 March 2014 - sick of myself

“Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”
Jesus said to them in reply,
“Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do.
I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners.”

We are all sick and in need of Jesus.  There are only the sick who know we are sick and the sick who try convince ourselves that we are healthy.   We are sinners.  Even those of us who hear his call to "Follow me", even those of us who leave all we have to follow him are still the sick in need of the Divine Physician.  This attitude warns against a false sense of self-sufficiency wherein we try to earn our own salvation. 

But at the same time it isn't meant to drive us toward an introspection that ends in self-pity.  It is supposed to open us to dependence on Jesus.  We must say with Therese, "How happy I am to see myself imperfect and be in need of God's mercy."  See?  The point is not to say, "Woe is me.  I am so bad.  I am so worthless."  These are lies from the enemies.  We are precious in God's eyes.  The Father loves us so much that he sends his only Son to die for us (cf. Joh. 3:16) while we are still sinners, still his enemies (cf. Rom. 5:8).  We are not unhappy accidents of which the LORD is trying to make the best he can.  He says to us, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (cf. Jer. 1:5).

So then, let us hear him challenge us to greater heights of holiness.  We can hear this challenge now without fear or self-doubt.

If you remove from your midst oppression,
false accusation and malicious speech;
If you bestow your bread on the hungry
and satisfy the afflicted;

We know that we do not perfectly embody this ideal already.  But we don't despair.  Instead we take this as an occasion to turn to Jesus and trust in him more than ever.

Then light shall rise for you in the darkness,
and the gloom shall become for you like midday;
Then the LORD will guide you always
and give you plenty even on the parched land.
He will renew your strength,
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring whose water never fails.
The ancient ruins shall be rebuilt for your sake,
and the foundations from ages past you shall raise up;
“Repairer of the breach,” they shall call you,
“Restorer of ruined homesteads.”

It is about learning to put the LORD before our "own pursuits" espeically on his "holy day ... the sabbath".  But the beauty of it, is that when we fail we do not hear condemnation.  We just hear the invitation repeated and intensified: “Follow me.”

We want to "delight in the LORD and ... ride on the heights of the earth".  We want him to nourish us "with the heritage of Jacob", especially the Eucharist.  And since we have no health on our own apart from him, nothing good within us apart from him (cf. Rom. 7:18) we cry out in dependence:

Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.