"Master, why can I not follow you now?
I will lay down my life for you."
This question can be a good self-examination for us. On the one hand we probably have an
idealized version of what our relationship with Jesus looks like that we imagine in our minds.
On the other is reality where we sometimes follow him and sometimes choose to live for ourselves instead. This ambiguity and lack of complete commitment prevents us from truly meaning it when we say "I will lay down my life for you." Our lives have to be consistent with that sentiment. If we won't lay certain aspects of our lives down and surrender them to him (thinking, perhaps, that they don't matter because they are small or trivial) it shouldn't surprise us that when our life as a whole is demanded of us that we find ourselves betraying him.
So it is for Peter who denies him and so it is for Judas who takes the morsel of fellowship and flees into the night. Both have good reason to feel like failures:
"I thought I had toiled in vain,
and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength"
But Peter doesn't fall into dispair. He finds in spite of everything that Jesus gathers him and
brings him back.
"And I am made glorious in the sight of the LORD,
and my God is now my strength!"
His brokenness doesn't disqualify him. In fact it uniquely qualifies him to understand that his strength is in God and to be made a light to the nations to spread his salvation.
Judas refuses to hope for salvation after he betrays the LORD. Having exhausted himself and his own resources he should take refuge in the LORD and trust in him to deliver him and save him. But he chooses not to. Let this this be a warning to us to always trust in the LORD to be a rock of refuge and a stronghold even against our own weaknesses and failings.
"You will look for me, and as I told the Jews,
'Where I go you cannot come,' so now I say it to you."
In our weakness we may not be able to follow him all the way at this moment. But he is steadfast by our side. We have depended on him since birth. He has taught us from our youth and is our strength. He will not abandon us and tells us that "you will follow later." He will bring this good work to completion in us until we can fully sing of his salvation.
I really like this.
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